may 5, 09

well this is not good its hard you know just to cope, you try to have your time to be sad when your rushed up to you feet. i don't understand her sometimes continuously going on and on about the pettiest of things. its so irritating to not have that one person back in your life who accepted you who you are as an individual 110% this is such a hard month i just want to lie in bed and cry this whole entire month, take time for the emotions to come out and not hide them away. honestly when things are hard you would think your loved ones would make it easier for you so you could cope and not going in fucking sane but no thats not an option at this point. when your getting to the point when you will be going into collage you think you would be more responsible and headstrong in being able to handle important things in your life when i feel like i am just descending into a small child who has no clue what to do. i wish daily lives were like the show doug funny were you wore the same outfit everyday, i would wear sweat all this month. timing is everything you know timing of when people ask you things at the complete and total wrong time, when it really makes you question “was that even relevant?” sometimes i like to listen to sad songs when im crying... soothing i guess. i dont even know what to do to make myself feel better, i need to find something. you know when you cry and you loose your breath i like the way it feels when im crying. all people ever really have to do is to say “im sorry” when they most likely dont care. i ant some fufillment out of my life someone real to love me for me for the little way i movie my fingers to be there for me when i break down to love me for me. i dont know what else to write. i need to wallow

Mar 24, 09

blogging, something thats fun but hard to keep up with. i am going to try to get back into writing down my feelings again i find it very helpful to write them down and then being able to see what i have written and save it for future times. today was just another blah day at school with the odd feeling of wanting to punch a certain teacher square in the face. then went to my moms work and got punched in the arm and kicked out the office and told to wait in the car, i was there for 2 hours and thirty minutes, fun right. now i am home with my mom not in a very talkative mood, me with no plans when im in the mood to just not give a fuck. today sounds like a downer, it wasn’t to bad, actually today is the first bad day i have had in about a week.

title due to: the book im reading, impulse my ellen hopkins

emma

Mar 25, 09

today was just another day at school, normal i guess. first period a drag like always, third period was actually really interesting today (civics) in one of our current events said that read meat can cause cancer, damn i like my meat bloody... but i have been thinking about coming vegetarian, also meat is bad for the earth because the amount a cow eats could feed 30 people for a week when 1 cow feeds a lot less. i have really mixed feelings about vegetarianism, for one i love animals and that is why i would become vegan, but on the other hand it kills me that i would have opportunity to eat vast types of food when poor children in third world countries would do anything for the crumbs of your plate. other than those feelings i am really in a mood to just go and not give a crap. i mean i just want to not give a fuck, not about what people think but just go out and go nuts! we live our lives once an to do what be as perfect as a frame, fucking up is fun sometimes.