may 5, 09

well this is not good its hard you know just to cope, you try to have your time to be sad when your rushed up to you feet. i don't understand her sometimes continuously going on and on about the pettiest of things. its so irritating to not have that one person back in your life who accepted you who you are as an individual 110% this is such a hard month i just want to lie in bed and cry this whole entire month, take time for the emotions to come out and not hide them away. honestly when things are hard you would think your loved ones would make it easier for you so you could cope and not going in fucking sane but no thats not an option at this point. when your getting to the point when you will be going into collage you think you would be more responsible and headstrong in being able to handle important things in your life when i feel like i am just descending into a small child who has no clue what to do. i wish daily lives were like the show doug funny were you wore the same outfit everyday, i would wear sweat all this month. timing is everything you know timing of when people ask you things at the complete and total wrong time, when it really makes you question “was that even relevant?” sometimes i like to listen to sad songs when im crying... soothing i guess. i dont even know what to do to make myself feel better, i need to find something. you know when you cry and you loose your breath i like the way it feels when im crying. all people ever really have to do is to say “im sorry” when they most likely dont care. i ant some fufillment out of my life someone real to love me for me for the little way i movie my fingers to be there for me when i break down to love me for me. i dont know what else to write. i need to wallow